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Feb. 5th, 2015 @ 12:46 pm Ends
It's somewhat disheartening to keep having your coworkers tell you that they're embarrassed for you, because of how little you earn. It's not like I earn less than they do. In fact, I earn more... and yet, they're still embarrassed for me? It's uplifting, somewhat, to hear them describe me as the backbone of the company. It's flattering to hear them say that I deserve twice my current salary.

I am somewhat of an anachronism. I am, occasional biting and kicking aside, a loyal employee. I'm not generally pestering management for raises or carping about how I deserve to earn more. I prefer stability and flexibility over sheer earnings, so I don't hop from company to company all the time. And I try to be reasonable, which means I try to think critically to figure out what management can do and what they intend, so I don't overask.

People have said I'm too nice, and nice people never get anywhere. Trapa has sneeringly accused me of having no ambition, of just wanting to be a big fish in a small pond. It's true, I am not dedicated to climbing the career ladder at the cost of my own happiness. I am also not interested in anybody else's definition of what "success" should be for me in terms of how much I make and what my job title is.

But when people are ashamed and embarrassed on your behalf, because they feel that you earn too little--when you already earn more than they do--there's something about that fact which really eats at me. That's a strong statement. Am I settling for too little? Lord knows if I was earning twice what I do now, a lot of my problems would be less problematic.

Then we run into the other issue with switching employment. I genuinely like and enjoy working for Technical Boss. I genuinely dislike working under Marketing Boss. It used to be that the office bought food on a monthly basis--granola bars, bags of chips, cheese sticks, even some cans of soup. But on Marketing Boss's dictates, that's all been switched out for "healthy food"--nuts, a little dried fruit, and instant oatmeal. No more granola bars. No more cheese or fruit cups. No more cans of soup. The soup in particular was an annoyance, as he proclaimed in the kitchen that he's "not interested in buying anybody's lunch."

Marketing Boss also tends to be less flexible than Technical Boss is. Technical Boss will happily give me time in lieu if I can work on a holiday and want the time elsewhere. Marketing Boss won't consider it. Marketing Boss also has a tendancy to deny my requests for vacation, if he feels it inconveniences the office too much. But I've never had Technical Boss deny a request--at most, he comes to me and asks if I can possibly figure out a different way to align things. We fix it cooperatively, instead of me getting a unilateral "no."

I'm not staying here for Marketing Boss, that's for damn sure. And if I can only talk to one of the two three partners of the company and get a decent response (Technical Boss has actually privately asked me to just bring requests for vacation etc. to him, so I don't get blockaded by Marketing Boss), then clearly I'm not in an excellent situation.

And yet here I sit. It's not a great environment out there for jobseekers. I should feel fortunate to have my job--and I do. And dammit if I'm not loyal to a fault, and don't want to leave Technical Boss on his own to handle all the daunting stuff that I deal with for him. Nobody else here can take that stuff on, that's just a fact.

Am I just being too timid? Am I being too loyal? Am I just being stupid? I don't know, and I can't tell.

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On a side note, I don't think we'll be returning to Wizard101 or Pirate101 as a family. KI committed an unforgiveable sin against tiger, and he's not one to forgive or forget such things. Which is saddening to me, both because I didn't think their response unreasonable, and because it ends something that we've had as a family for years now.

But as much as I seem to have forced him into begrudgingly agreeing to actually pursue further troubleshooting, the strikes against KI keep mounting up. I know full well that it's not going to improve. If it were me, I wouldn't be nearly so annoyed, but tiger already went nuclear and it's not improving. It's over, whether anybody else admits it at this point or not. The writing's on the wall, and anybody who refuses to read it is merely a fool.
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